Bully Antidote — Tip of the Week
Much has been written about the problem with bullies in the workplace. A few posts on the subject have appeared on this blog. (Here, here, here, and here.) Some states have even considered legislation to deal with this problem. I don’t have the answer. I don’t think state legislatures do either. I do have a few suggestions and tips.
A bully runs over one person after another. He knows that his reputation is well known and that even people who haven’t experienced his bullying first hand are nonetheless scared of him. As hard as it is to do, standing up to a bully seems to be the only true antidote. He’ll be taken aback. You may even earn his respect.
This doesn’t mean that you make a scene or that you confront the bully in a public way. What seems to work best is to pull the bully aside or wait until you’re alone with him again and then tell him calmly, clearly, and respectfully that you don’t appreciate his treatment of you and co-workers and that you won’t tolerate it again. If that doesn’t work, reporting the bully’s improper conduct through appropriate channels should follow.
Are you taking a chance? Yep. It’s possible that if the bully is your boss, you’ll get fired. My experience has been, however, that you won’t. You’ll make the workplace different and better.
Human resources professionals must be willing to support employees who are courageous enough to stand up for themselves and others. HR should watch for bullying conduct and stop it before an individual employee tries to do it on his own. A training session on dealing with bullies and the consequences of being a bully is a much needed exercise in most workplaces.
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About Chris Parker
Chris Parker's practice focuses on the representation and counseling of companies in matters pertaining to the workplace and the protection of their intellectual property and trade secrets. In addition to serving as an advocate for clients, Mr. Parker is also trained as a mediator and frequently serves as a third-party neutral.
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About Jimmy Daniel
Jimmy Daniel provides counseling to businesses of all sizes related to the employment relationship. He assists in the drafting of employment agreements, policies, and handbooks, as well as provides guidance related to compliance with federal, state, and local legislation such as the Fair Labor Standards Act and the Family and Medical Leave Act.
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About Larry Bridgesmith
While serving in an Of Counsel relationship with the firm, Mr. Bridgesmith also serves as the Executive Director at the Institute for Conflict Resolution at Lipscomb University and as an officer and principal in Strategic Resolutions Group, LLC. In these roles, Mr. Bridgesmith brings over 30 years of legal experience in dispute resolution and innovative workplace strategies to clients, students and business entities alike.
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Great advice, John. Bullies are counting on the fact that no one will confront them. When we don’t, we collude with their bad behavior. Too many “experts” that give advice on bullying ignore confronting the bully. The bully can only take your dignity if you all him/her to. Good stuff. Bret
Hi John – thanks for your post. I have recently been introduced to the problem of bullying in the workplace especially of women by women and have written extensively on the topic. I wish that life was that simple – but it isn’t.
From my findings the only way to tackle bullying in the workplace is from the top and very often if the “bully” gets things done they get away with it. Research shows it take as many as 6 victims before that happens. Senior managers need to have a zero tolerance policy and lead by example, plus HR support systems for targets where cases can be investigated without a formal complaint being made. Until that happens it will be very difficult to eradicate even with legislation.
Bret,
Thanks for you comment. Sometimes it’s what should be obvious that we overlook.
Dorothy,
Thanks, too, for your comment. I still think that standing up to a bully is worth a try, but I agree with your comment. People at the top have to set the right tone and have to put bullies in their place. If that doesn’t happen, it’s likely that bullying will continue to be a problem across the entire workplace and even become part of an employer’s culture. And these days, profit trumps just about everything else, so a profitable bully does get away with his/her conduct, despite the long term detriment to the employer.
John
The thing to remember is that pretty much all bullies are cowards (except for the self-destructive nutters). As a result, the only thing that a bully truly responds to is power. Dorothy and John are absolutely right about the need to enlist support from the bully’s superiors. If the bully is outmatched in power, they will retreat. Unfortunately, too many organisations do turn a blind eye to such behaviour if the bullying seems to (at least in the short term) achieve the ‘results’ that the organisation wants. In which case, one has to consider simply leaving such a disfunctional environment.
Bruce,
Very interesting and insightful contribution to the discussion.
Thanks very much for the comment.
John