Fish, Pollution, and The Man Gene

Almost since this blog’s beginning, The Man Gene has been a topic of posting. Why? Office romances. Sex in the workplace. Sexual harassment. The Man Gene’s power and mystery have been documented time and time again as sources of disputes, problems and lawsuits for employers. Is there the slightest hope for a remedy?

National news reports now tell us that male fish are rapidly taking on female characteristics in rivers and lakes across the U.S. (and perhaps elsewhere). This phenomenon was first noticed in smallmouth bass. It’s now seen in carp, catfish, and sturgeon. It appears that various chemicals dumped into the waters of our country — pollution, if you will — are resulting in the feminization of fish.

At first blush, this development seems alarming. It’s more proof that man-made products forced into our environment are having permanent, life-changing consequences. If the gender transformation of fish continues, reproduction will slow, then stop. And what about other animals that live in the water? What about people who drink the water, swim in the water, come in contact with the water?

As an employment lawyer, I don’t know what to make of the feminization of fish and the implications that it has for other forms of life. Scientists are probing the deep, testing the waters, filleting aquatic vertebrates, studying spawning salmon, paying special attention to the Tiger Fish, trolling for injurious chemicals, watching the films of Jacques Cousteau from a different angle, and re-reading Moby Dick in search of answers. But does this remarkable development have implications for employers and the workplace?

As I’ve noted in my posts on The Man Gene, some male workers are hopeless captives of The Man Gene’s domination. They lose all reason. They take unthinkable risks. They violate the law. They cause their employers to violate the law. Sexual harassment charges and lawsuits abound because of The Man Gene and its ruthless ways.

The fish development presents a dilemma. Pollution is unwanted. Harmful chemicals cause all kinds of environmental problems. Indeed, it’s another form of deleterious climate change. But is it all bad? Is there a silver lining?

Women have long argued that if men could find their feminine sides, if they could be softer, more gentle, more delicate, more thoughtful – if they could be more like women – they could better control their sexual urges and be more normal. They would understand that no means no. They could concentrate on their work, instead of their female coworkers.

Because of the fish news, some employers are now volunteering their most sexually maniacal male employees for hopeful experimentation. The men bathe in chemically polluted water when they come to work each day. Some require one or two more baths during the workday. Definite results are difficult to measure so far, but trends seem to be developing. Rationale behavior. A reduction in inappropriate conduct. The curtailment of sexual harassment claims. Workplaces filled with women and men who have a burgeoning respect for each other.

As we continue to demand cleaner water and as we hasten to halt harmful climate change, let’s take what we learn — the good and the bad – and apply it to our employees and our workplaces. Let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater.