I’m Sorry, So Sorry — Tip of the Week
Brenda Lee’s classic country hit has come to mind a couple of times recently in light of two stunning outbursts in the public arena. One was Rep. Joe Wilson’s ”You lie” shout out during President Obama’s recent address to a joint session of Congress. The other was Serena Williams’ vulgar, profane and threatening tirade toward a linesperson during a semi-final match in the U.S. Open.
Congressman Wilson apologized to the President through his chief of staff but has declined to apologize further — for example, to his colleagues in the House of Representatives. Ms. Williams has refused to apologize at all. Wilson will apparently receive no punishment for his breach of decorum. The punishment administered to Williams so far is so inconsequential as to hardly qualify as a slap on the wrist.
Brenda Lee was asking forgiveness for her foolish acts toward someone she was in love with but had treated badly. When Brenda Lee sang the song, she sounded really, really sorry.
Not so with Wilson and Williams. Expressing genuine sorrow for one’s conduct or asking someone who feels wronged by the conduct for forgiveness seems to be seen today as a sign of weakness. That’s sometimes, perhaps often, true in the workplace.
There was a time when saying I’m sorry or apologizing was seen as a sign of strength, of character, of civility. Now, it’s just too risky — whether coming from the boss, a subordinate employee or a co-worker. Admitting that your wrong can come back to bite you seems to be today’s conventional wisdom.
This week’s tip: Saying I’m sorry or asking forgiveness is still a powerful thing, perhaps even more so now that everyone’s reluctant to say it, unless, of course, there just aren’t many people — employees, supervisors, managers, executives — who are sorry any more.
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About Chris Parker
Chris Parker's practice focuses on the representation and counseling of companies in matters pertaining to the workplace and the protection of their intellectual property and trade secrets. In addition to serving as an advocate for clients, Mr. Parker is also trained as a mediator and frequently serves as a third-party neutral.
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About Jimmy Daniel
Jimmy Daniel provides counseling to businesses of all sizes related to the employment relationship. He assists in the drafting of employment agreements, policies, and handbooks, as well as provides guidance related to compliance with federal, state, and local legislation such as the Fair Labor Standards Act and the Family and Medical Leave Act.
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About Larry Bridgesmith
While serving in an Of Counsel relationship with the firm, Mr. Bridgesmith also serves as the Executive Director at the Institute for Conflict Resolution at Lipscomb University and as an officer and principal in Strategic Resolutions Group, LLC. In these roles, Mr. Bridgesmith brings over 30 years of legal experience in dispute resolution and innovative workplace strategies to clients, students and business entities alike.
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Too many of today’s apologies are loaded with weasel words – they frequently make the situation even worse. I get a kick out of people who say things like “I apologize if you took my words out of context.” or “I apologize if you are one of the few who found my opinion unsettling.” When Joe Wilson tells the world he’s sorry for reacting with such passion to the president’s deceit, he exposes himself as one of those weasels.