Gender Differences vs. Gender Discrimination

Employers are charged with preventing gender discrimination.  As recently noted by New York Times restaurant critic, Frank Bruni, discerning between gender differences and gender discrimination is tricky.  You may not think that dining in a restaurant and working at a job have anything in common when it comes to this subject.  As it turns out, there are employment lessons to be learned from the dining experience.  As Bruni notes, it’s easier to talk about gender equality than to pull it off.

Some New York restaurants have attempted to mandate table parity by relaxing the usual rules of giving menus to women before men, taking orders from women first and clearing women’s plates first.  These efforts are often rebuffed–by women.  Most restaurateurs concede that dining customs are hard to break, and the failure to recognize this reality is foolish.  Practically  speaking, taking care of ladies first will offend fewer people.

Other, less obvious, differences abound.  If a party has a large number of women in it, room temperature will be increased, because women dress with more skin showing.  Men rarely ask about lighting; women do, not wanting a bright setting.  Women ask about healthier foods; men want to know about a decent steak.  Women are looking for something comfortable in a restaurant; men are looking to show off by being greeted as an insider.  Men prefer meat; women are put off by a dish that reminds them they’re biting into an animal.

Servers prefer male diners to females for two reasons.  Women don’t order as much, resulting in a smaller tip; and women are more verbal than men, meaning they’ll stay longer, occupying valuable space that needs to be turned.  In short, women are less profitable.

Some things are changing.  Servers don’t automatically present the wine list and the check to one of the men at a table of mixed company.  They wait until someone asks for the wine list or the check.  A female executive hosting a group of diners and knowing a lot about wine can be highly offended if it’s assumed that a man at the table is in charge.

If you think navigating the gender divide is difficult at work, consider dining, particularly upscale dining.  In fact, there are many facets of life that highlight a gender divide.  Sometimes, we’re just talking about gender differences that are cultural but not illegal.  On the other hand, there’s real gender discrimination, and in the workplace, that’s illegal.  Diving the difference is a nuanced process.  Sometimes, it just flat out hard to do.  Gender equality can be a stimulating topic of conversation at dinner.  Putting it into practice is more challenging. 

For human resources and employment law purposes, the fact that gender differences remain when it comes to dining and various other things is no defense for employers in a sex discrimination case.  These differences do provide some context for why unlawful gender discrimination still exists despite our best efforts to eliminate it.