Sexual Harassment Prevention Guaranteed

Finally! There’s a way to guarantee the prevention of sexual harassment in the workplace. We knew it had to be there, and science has uncovered it. Simply put, you look at variants in the gene that encodes the receptor for an important brain-signaling hormone, arginine vasopressin. The lack of one of these variants causes a man to be more monogamous, show distinctive pair-bonding behavior and frequently kiss his mate. On the other hand, if a man has the gene variant (or allelel), he is more distant with a female partner, is more likely to sexually roam, and has has an increased risk of conjugal discord.More…

Studies that support these conclusions have been done on 1,000 heterosexual couples. Studies have also been done on prairie and montane voles (rodents). Prairie voles lack the gene variant in question, while montane voles have the gene variant. A male prairie vole forms a bond with a female for life, breeding and raising successive litters. A male montane vole is only interested in one-night stands.

The sexual harassment prevention guarantee? You only hire men who lack the gene variant. They will be happily married or will become happily married. They won’t be spending time hitting on female co-workers. It’s true that a man’s culture, religion and family background will influence his attitude toward marital fidelity, but his genes trump it all.

So, when you do that drug test, that honesty test, and that job-related skills test for a male applicant, you also do a genetic test to see if he has the dreaded, harassment-producing allele. If he does, no job offer.

Uh oh. I almost forgot about the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act. GINA prohibits genetic testing and the use of any genetic information you might accidentally receive. Drats! I was just about to make a fortune by selling my sexual harassment prevention guarantee to employers across the country.

Oh well. I’m not so sure about this gene variant thing anyway. I don’t think there’s any gene or gene variant that can overcome The Man Gene. Remember, there’s science to back up The Man Gene as well.

And what about this gene variant in women? They don’t have it. Wouldn’t you know it?