Workplace: A Closet Drama

The beginning.

Supervisor:  “Hello, HR Manager?  I want to fire Employee.”

HR Manager:  “Why?”

Supervisor:  “He annoys me.  He looks at me funny.  He’s too interested in what I’m doing instead of what he should be doing.”

HR Manager:  “We’ve never fired anyone for that.”

Supervisor:  “There’s always a first time.”

HR Manager:  “Maybe, but I don’t want to be a test case in court.  Have you counseled Employee?  Written him up?  Anything?”

Supervisor:  “I don’t have time for that stuff.  I’ve got a department to run, and I need team players.  Employee isn’t one.”

HR Manager:  “Well, we need more than that for a termination.  You need to talk with Employee about what he’s doing wrong.  Document your meeting.  Then we’ll see.”

Later that day.

Supervisor:  “Employee, we don’t like each other.  I’m your boss, but you’re always asking questions about why I’m doing something this way or that way.  I say it’s none of your business, but you keep asking.  I’ve had it.  You’re going to resign, or I’m going to make your life a living hell.  I can always find something to write you up for.  It won’t take long to have enough to fire you.”

Employee:  “Look.  I ask questions about the way you do things because you’re giving business to your cousin’s company when another company would do the same job cheaper.  I’d bet you’re getting a little something out of that for yourself.”

Supervisor:  “You moron!  I get to decide who I give business to.  Everybody in this company has special deals.  That’s the way it works.  Like I told HR, you’re not a team player, and this proves it.”

Employee:  “No.  This tape recording I’ve just made proves you’re guilty of violating the company’s code of business conduct.  I reported this to HR the other day, and when you called them about firing me, they told me to tape record any conversation you had with me.  I’m taking this to HR right now.”

The next morning.

HR Manager:  “Sir, we have a problem.  Supervisor is guilty of violating our code of business conduct, and we’ve got evidence of it on this tape.”

CEO:  “I already know about this, and you’re making too big a deal out of it.  Supervisor called me last night and explained what had happened.  He also explained what he’d been doing.  It’s no big deal.  Drop it.”

HR Manager:  “But sir, with all due respect, Supervisor can’t get away with this.  It’s a clear violation of the cobc.  If we don’t do anything, it’ll set a terrible precedent.  I can’t believe he called you at home last night.”

CEO:  “Supervisor is my wife’s half-brother.  How do you think he got his job here?  He’s ok.  He’s ambitious.  Wants to get ahead.  He understands now he went a little too far, but I’m telling you it’s no big deal.  Give me the tape.  Go back to work.  This never happened.” 

The end?