Corporate BS

March 29–I’ve heard . . .:  Preface to a criticism or reprimand, used by managers who are too wimpy to take responsibility for observing your behavior firsthand, and who also are trying to make you paranoid; implies that other people have complained to your supervisor about your behavior or actions, but when you question any of the suspects, they laugh and look at you like you’re crazy.

March 30–ID:  The piece of plastic given to you on your first day that gets you in and out of the building, but which you will inevitably lose, most likely on the day you’re really late; features an unfortunate photographic record of what you looked like when you started working at your company; you should try not to look at it, lest you see how rapidly you’ve aged.

March 31–if they don’t like it, they can leave:  Corporate response to any report of employee dissatisfaction, aimed especially at the anonymous throngs low on the totem pole, even though “the company’s people are its greatest resource”; so pervasive a sentiment at companies with any kind of prestige, it might as well be printed on employee IDs, along with “That intern would love to have your job at half the salary.”