Corporate BS

February 26–coffee:  A bitter, often tepid, and sometimes disgusting beverage that often serves, if unconsumed, as a scapegoat for people who say really stupid things prior to 10 A.M.

February 27–cold shoulder:  The blatant, punitive, and often unfathomable disregard shown by a previously friendly and affable boss or colleague; may inspire the feeling that you are “in trouble”–and in the eighth grade.

February 28–colleague:  Fancy way of saying “someone I work with”; usually implies a person sharing the same rung of the corporate ladder with the person employing the term, because otherwise the speaker would just say “my supervisor” or “my assistant”; a little too formal for the typical 9-to-5er to pull off; therefore, essentially, only erudite professors and Nobel Prize winners should use this term.

February 29–coming along:  A casual assessment of the status of a project, designed to conceal the fact that “It hasn’t been started yet, but after this conversation I’m going back to my desk to find that file/e-mail I’m pretty sure I tossed/deleted and try to remember what you wanted so I don’t bust myself by having to ask you about a project I’m claiming to have almost finished.”